Dear Radio, Stop Comparing Dirk and LeBron to Bird and Magic

Celebrate dad at MiniInTheBox and save $4 off $30 with code CMITB

My brain almost exploded this morning and it wasn’t even the good kind of exploding.  Not the, “Holy crap, I just found warp tubes in Super Mario,” when I was eight exploding.  No, just the “What the f— did I just hear?” exploding.

While listening to the Steve Czaban Show ( a man whom I respect in the awful world of [national] sports talk radio) I heard him throw out the following; “If you squint your eyes enough and put on the Uncle Junior glasses, it looks like the fuzzy outlines of a shaggy haired white guy who can shoot and a 6′ 8″ point forward who can pass like no one else.”

With all due respect to Czabe, shove that notion up your ass, sir.

Drawing parallels between Dirk and LeBron to Bird and Magic has got to stop.  Steve isn’t the first one to point this out, but he’s the first one I’ve respected that has tried to make that connection.  Larry Bird and Dirk Nowitzki are white guys with blonde hair that have crazy range.  The similarities stop there.  Magic Johnson and LeBron James are both freakishly athletic 6′ 8″ black dudes that are entertaining to watch.  Done there, too.

Now, the differences are to many to go over, but let’s just start with a few from Dirk and Larry Legend.

Dirk Nowitzki is without a doubt the best player ever to come out of Europe.  That isn’t saying a whole lot, but it’s something.  Larry Bird is a top ten of all freaking time. While Jared and I discussed Dirk creeping up into the top 50 of all time, he is no where near the player Bird was.  Larry had a killer instinct, he was insulted when white players guarded him and he played hard nose style basketball.  Dirk has an amazing and unblockable fall away and probably a better overall shot than Bird, but that is probably the only superlative I’ll let him have.

Larry could play lock down defense (when he wanted to),  make ridiculous passes in a crowd, bring the ball up the court and was an expert trash talker.  Bird played with a fire most nights and even when it was a team that didn’t get him going, he’d motivate himself.  When Kevin McHale was out, he scored 22 of his 47 points left handed.

Dirk is tall, can post up and grab a few board.  He can also donate his hair to Locks of Love.  Oh yeah, he doesn’t have a ring and has largely been considered a regular season beast and soft as a roasted marshmallow in the playoffs.  He’s in the process of rectifying both of those stigmas but come on.  When was the last time you heard someone call Larry Bird soft?

Probably The Last Time Bird Was Called Soft

Moving right along, then.

Magic and LeBron?  Please.  Put LeBron at the five in a Finals game and then we’ll talk about something.  James is widely disliked and even outright hated for the way he did Cleveland and his smarmy friggin attitude.  People openly wept when they found out Magic was HIV positive while people openly wish for Lebron to get full blown AIDS.  While that says nothing of their on the court game, it still isn’t good to be making that sort of comparison.

Magic Johnson was probably the best passer the NBA has ever seen and he battled it out with the only other person who could give him a run for his money. (Hint, see above.  Not Dirk.  Larry.  Come on people, stay with me.)  Can James pass the rock?  Sure.  Is it incredible?  Hardly.  Also, you don’t have to pass when you get two extra steps every time you’re near the paint.

While LeBron is certainly a more explosive player than Johnson, he doesn’t have the same control of the game that Magic commanded when he was on the court.  You played the way Magic wanted you to play, not the other way around.  He owned the Lakers.  What does LeBron own, the Crab Dribble?  Maybe the fourth quarter lately but it really still is D Wade’s team.  Wade already has a ring (which he played out of his mind for) and although maybe he isn’t as talented as James is, he is a better leader by far.  When was Magic ever not the leader of his own team?

At this point in the article, I feel like I should have just said, “Comparing  Dirk and James with Bird and Magic is as dumb as the Kobe and MJ comparison,” and you would have got the gist.  I just wanted to point out more to myself than anyone else how ridiculous it sounds.  This is not 1984 (or 85) and it’s not Magic’s Lakers and Bird’s Celtics.  It’s Nowitzki’s Mavs and Wade’s Heat.  See, Lebron doesn’t even fit in there.

So for the love of god, stop with the comparisons and just enjoy the series.  Dallas in 6.